Jesus tells us to love our neighbors, as ourselves. Great! But how do we do that, when we do not first love ourselves? And for that matter… how do we love ourselves? Is it about a pampered day at a spa?
No – unless of course you plan to love those around you that way, and you believe that is what Jesus had in mind.
I believe we love ourselves by taking care of our minds, bodies and souls. Beginning with the soul – we give our hearts, our faith, to Jesus. We feed that soul with His word. We feed our soul with good music that moves us to a closer relationship with Him. We are involved in church – His body. We talk with Him – daily. We cherish the gifts from God – our spouse, children… all of it.
Loving our bodies is easy to define, but hard to do. We eat better and exercise – this is love. We go to the doctor for check ups – this is love. There is more here but that’s the basics.
Loving our minds can be a bit tricky. The main ways we love our minds is through positive mental health and controlling the things we allow into our heads. Mental health includes the depression and anxiety we deal with. The grief that we often ignore due to busyness. The need to speak to a professional because it is overwhelming. Unpacking the past – the tragedies and neglect, the hurts and the hang ups. All of it. The truth is that unless we deal with it, one day it will deal with us. And how can we love someone else, who is going through the valley of the shadow of death, when we refuse to deal with our own?
Finally, we love our minds by controlling the inputs. The world has a message for you that may not be healthy for your mind to hear. They could be selling you things that are a lie. Social media can be good and can be bad. Too much of it has been shown to be bad for our mental health. They portray images of perfect families, on perfect vacations and leave out the pain and challenges – they leave out “the rest of the story.” I recommend taking a social media fast. Make it a week, minimum. See how you feel about it at the end of the week.
When we do these things- and for the record, this is not a comprehensive list – we will be loving ourselves. Now- go love your neighbor as you have loved yourself.
Here is the 3rd Installment from the book – Your Life Matters!
The Invisible Pain of Depression/Mental Health
Depression and mental health issues are rampant in our world today. I see it in my work as a counselor and in my capacity as founder of a veteran’s homeless shelter. I live it every day.
As a pastor, I used to run a small group that focused on mental health, and it was the most widely group in the church. Statistics from the psychiatry.org website show that depression is an epidemic. About 17% of people walking around at any given time are suffering from depression
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) statistics showing that up to 25% of the world population suffers from a recognized anxiety disorder and yet, only about one-third of those are seeking any sort of treatment
When we are depressed, we feel like doing nothing. Or worse, we may feel like taking our own lives. We may feel like our lives are over or it will never get any better. We feel like our lives do not matter, but that is a lie.
There have been points in my life when I have struggled with depression. Sometimes it seemed so dark, I didn’t know the way out. One day, in particular, a friend checked on me and I told her I was struggling.
She told me “Get out of the house. It’s too beautiful a day to stay inside.”
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do but I went outside while we talked.
“Cliff, now drive to Wal Mart. When you get there buy a fall plant, in a planter and give it to someone–anyone you see that might benefit from a little brightness in their day.”
“Are you serious? You want me to go and buy a plant or flowers for someone I don’t know and give it to them? They are going to think I’m crazy. They’ll think I’m a stalker and just weird.”
“Go and do it,” she insisted.
Reluctantly, I got in my car and deliberately drove past the Wal Mart near my home to a grocery store across town, hoping to avoid seeing anyone I knew. They’d certainly think I had lost my mind.
I took a deep breath and plodded inside. A beautiful display of fall plants greeted me near the entrance. At $10 each, I could do this. I looked over the plants and grabbed the first one I saw that looked decent and headed for the checkout.
After I paid for the plant and headed out the exit door, I stood to the right and watched the people coming and going. How strange that no one looked at anyone else. Even stranger that I stood there with an eye for giving something away to a perfect stranger.
Where do I begin? How do I choose? Some people were dressed up and others dressed down. Then I spotted an elderly lady coming out of the store. She took short deliberate steps with her cart of groceries, focused on the asphalt in front of her. She pushed as if she were using all her strength to push a sled uphill.
I walked to her, smiled. “Hi, my name is Cliff, and I would like to give you this plant for your home and maybe if you would let me, help you to your car with these groceries.”
She looked at me with a hint of a smile along with questions on her face. When she saw the plant in my hand, she lit up like a Christmas tree. “That’s the nicest thing anyone ever offered to do for me.”
I unloaded the groceries into her car and placed the plant in the seat next to her.
She gave me the biggest hug I had received in a long time and told me, “You absolutely made my day. Thank you so much.”
For the first time in a while, a smile crept over my face. I told her, “You made a difference in my life too.”
She tilted her head a little sideways with a question in her eyes, and then waved it off and thanked me again.
I’m not sure why I didn’t tell her why I came and bought a gift for a stranger. Somehow it seemed like it might dim the beauty of the moment. It was enough for me to know that I had made a difference in someone’s life. At that moment, that mattered more to me than I have words to express.
The depression that weighed me down, evaporated. That was a miracle to me. In fact, it felt so good, that I went back into the store and did it again and it was just as awesome the second time. I still do that from time to time.
By the way, I ended up marrying that friend who recommended it, but we’ll get back to that later.
I have learned that when you do something for someone else who cannot repay you, it’s as much a gift to you as it is to them.
This is all tied to a psychological theory called “Positive Psychology.” We discuss this at length in the tool kit section of this book. Feel free to skip ahead and read it. It’s important stuff.
Here is part of the first chapter of Your Life Matters. Let me know what you think.
What Can One Person Really Do?
My granny raised my sister and me after our parents divorced. Looking back, I am truly amazed at what she did for us.
Granny took us everywhere, never complaining or griping about it. She simply told us to get in the car with all of our stuff and “let’s go.” I played little league Red Devil football. We practiced three times a week and then played a game once a week in Houston, an hour away.
One time, my game started early in the evening. Granny dropped me off and she and my sister went to get something to eat. On their way back, she turned into the parking lot but missed the entrance and drove into a ditch. A deep ditch. Too deep to drive out of. They had to call a wrecker to pull it out.
They didn’t discuss the mishap in front of me. If my sister hadn’t told me about it, I would have never heard about it.
Granny told me, “Well, Bubba, these things happen. We weren’t hurt. The car wasn’t damaged. No big deal.” She let these things roll off her back like water off the back of a duck.
I learned a lot from Granny’s tales. She told me a story she heard while she was in nurse training. It was about a nurse and a little girl.
The little girl, Annie, had been diagnosed as hopelessly insane. They locked her up in the dungeon of a mental institution on the outskirts of Boston, Massachusetts. People said that this young girl was so far gone that there were times when she acted like a wild animal. She would attack anyone who dared to come close to her. They labeled her Crazy Annie.
Other times, Annie would be completely catatonic and wouldn’t recognize anything. She sat, staring at the walls for days on end. No one knew of a treatment plan or had any hope that Crazy Annie would ever get better. They had locked her up and thrown away the key.
But an elderly nurse, a woman of faith, believed God could do what modern medicine could not. She believed and had hope for all of God’s children and Little Annie was one of them.
So, she started with taking the long trek down to the dungeon every day to eat her lunch outside of Little Annie’s cage. The nurse had a deep desire to communicate her love for Annie as well as God’s love for the girl, but she didn’t know how to reach her. She only knew she had to go.
Each day, she ate her lunch beside Annie’s cage and talked to Annie with no response. Some days she sang for her, but Annie didn’t respond to that either. One day, the nurse left her dessert, a chocolate brownie, beside Annie’s cage.
Annie didn’t acknowledge the brownie beside her while the nurse remained, but when the nurse came back the next day, the brownie was gone. Every Thursday, the nurse would bring her dessert and leave it for Annie. When she returned the next day, it would be gone.
Something began to change through these simple acts of love and kindness that no one could explain. After several weeks passed, doctors noticed small improvements in Annie. Then, after a few months, the improvements were so profound, they transferred her out of the cage and moved her upstairs into a lower level of security. Eventually, the staff allowed her to be among the general population.
Finally, one day the doctors told the formerly hopelessly insane Little Annie she was well and could go home. However, she didn’t want to go. She wanted to stay and help others who were diagnosed as she had been.
You may recognize her name. Annie Sullivan. The same woman who later helped Helen Keller walk out of her darkness and into the light of a future. Helen and Annie inspired generations of people.
One elderly nurse, headed toward the end of her career, made a difference by sharing a few words, a little music, and some dessert. The hopelessly insane little girl who experienced love from that nurse, went on to impact a blind and deaf girl who changed the world.
When my Granny told me about the nurse and girl, I didn’t fully understand it. I thought it was a great story, but when she told me the rest of the story, I never forgot it.
Granny said, “This one nurse’s care and compassion had effectively changed the world. Think about it, Bubba. How many people did Ann Sullivan and Helen Keller impact during their lifetimes, and even today?”
Ever experience the 800lb Gorilla? You know… when it feels like it is sitting on your chest and it won’t move. So you stay in bed until there is just know way you can stay another moment.
Or he could be on your shoulders, making you feel like the weight of the world is coming down on you and you can truly relate to Ayn Rands book title – Atlas Shrugged. But you feel like you are about to collapse… and maybe you finally do.
Sometimes depression is circumstance driven – in other words, there is something going on that makes you feel depressed. This could be from:
Loss – losing a loved one, loss of job, a relationship ending, losing a beloved animal, missed opportunity… and many more.
Feeling of Inadequacy- someone said something unkind, a decision you made turned out bad and you feel like a failure, someone said no to your dream, you didn’t get the job, you are being treated poorly, bullied, …. and many more!
That 800lb Gorilla can also be a chemical imbalance that leads to neurotransmitters not firing the way they should. If you cannot point to something that is causing you to feel depressed, then this is probably it and you need to see your medical professional right away.
Truth be told, regardless of the situation, if you are feeling depressed, seeing a qualified counselor should be the minimum that you do. If you need a recommendation, go to counseling.org and the ACA will refer you to some options in your area. I would also seek out a pastor you trust.
Now that we have established a baseline minimum, there are a few things you should know-
1. You have a 100% perfect record of coming through tough times to date. You can make it.
2. God is not punishing you. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Look to Him and He will see you through. In fact His Word tells us to expect tough times and for life to be so challenging at times, it brings us to our knees – but God is there for you, even in the darkest of days.
So… what can you do, right now, to get past this place you find yourself in? First thing I want you to know is that #yourlifematters. Some of my other posts will help you with that topic.
Next thing I want you to do is called – breaking up the narrative. What I mean by that is when you find yourself in a place of depression, oftentimes we can start to spiral down because of how we talk to ourselves and think about it. What I want you to do is physically leave wherever you are and engage in something different, positive and challenging. Maybe it is a work project. Maybe it is walking down the street/going to the gym, reading a funny and inspiring book or talking to a good friend/family member who always has a positive outlook and knows how to make lemonade out of lemons. Break up the narrative.
Then, I want you to go do something positive and meaningful (albeit small/not expensive) for someone who cannot pay you back or maybe doesn’t even know that you did it… but make sure you get to see the joy on their face. And then I would repeat this 2-3 times a week for the next month. Then I would go to once a week but never less. This has been shown to have an immediate impact on your sense of well-being, aka – happiness – equivalent to getting a 50k bump in salary. If you don’t believe me, google “positive psychology “.
Next I want you to either get a journal, notepad or heck, even a scrap of paper will work. Then I want you to write down one thing that you are grateful for – today. Maybe it’s the air you breathe. Maybe it’s something more – keep it simple. Then tomorrow, write down two things that you are grateful for. And the next day, 3. Then follow up the 4th day with 4, until you get to the fifth day and max out at 5. Now don’t make this complicated – you can use some of the same things day after day.
There are more things you can do but these are a good start. I want you to know that you too can defeat the 800lb Gorilla! I have defeated him on a number of occasions doing exactly the things that I am recommending to you.
Stay tuned for more information on this topic. And never forget- #yourlifematters !
There are lots of cliches like – live like there is no tomorrow. I recently wrote about it and I believe that we have to live well in the day we have. But it struck me this morning that we need to create a disciplined approach to the day, where we live with great intention and focused determination.
I want you to really think about the things that are important – your mind, body, spirit and emotions – should be at the top of the list. You might think, shouldn’t I be thinking of others, instead of myself? While that is noble, it is not helpful in the long run. If we are to be at our best, and doing all that we are called to do – including thinking of others, we need to take care of ourselves. If we do not, then soon there will be no more of us to help those we care about.
Taking care of ourselves has to be a daily discipline. From our diet to some form of exercise, to meditation and reading – not to mention some daily planning, including how we are going to help someone else today – all need to be a part of our day. And it all starts with a great morning routine.
Robin Sharma, who I have the greatest respect for, wrote a book called, The 5AM club. The book talks about getting an early start on your day – 5am and owning your morning. He talked about having the top 3 – 20/20/20. 20 minutes of exercise where you sweat, 20 minutes of meditation (preferably guided) and 20 minutes of reading for self-improvement/mastery. I can tell you, firsthand, that this works, when you work it. I started this program and it was awesome but then …. I allowed myself to get off track and I stopped. I started again and while it was good, it wasn’t as early and I wasn’t as productive as I was.
So beginning today – I am going to get back into the 5am club but I am going to alter it a bit. I am going to workout an hour – between walking/running and weights, we are going to do this. Then I will shower and do my meditation/journaling/devotional time of 30 minutes. I will then follow up with at least 20 minutes of reading or listening to something for self-improvement. This will be the investment I make in myself for 6 days a week – with one day of full rest.
I believe that this will be a great personal investment in me, so that I can be my best for the work that I am called to do.
I am going beyond the 20/20/20 because I know that I need more of certain things to be my best. I began with 20/20/20 and grew from there. I would recommend you do the same. Maybe 20×3 is exactly what you need and if so, go for it. If you get started and need more – then adapt it to meet your needs.
One advantage to getting up and moving early, is that I am in a perfect state to get some really good and creative work done, before the phone begins to ring or the email starts to explode. Between 7am and 9am, I can get a good two hours of writing and recording in, the rest of the day will be a huge success – own your morning – win the day.
Now don’t get me wrong, my day and workload is different from yours. You may have more time or less time – everyone is unique in the demands that life and family puts on them. But, I want to make it clear, today matters and by getting up earlier and creating a routine for yourself that builds you up physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, your life will be better. You will feel more confident. You will be able to get more accomplished and each day will feel like a win. Maybe all you can do is walk around the block, read a devotional and listen to a book on Audible while you get ready for your day – I call that a win.
Here is the main idea -Today matters because it is what we have been given. So invest in yourself in meaningful ways by getting up and taking care of yourself before you launch into taking care of everyone else. If we are going to be at our best, to make this day matter – most, then investing in ourselves is our first priority of the day.
We have all heard the saying – live like today is your last day on earth. While that is easy to say, it is not a realistic thing to ascribe to. The reason is simple – we have obligations, commitments, relationships and jobs. What happens if we decide to live the abandon that the mantra suggests? We may not be able to eat tomorrow – We may not have a job, a house, or many of the other necessary things.
Living like there is no tomorrow is reckless and not something people can reasonably do. But… what if we tapped into some of that “recklessness and abandon” without falling off the deep end and losing or giving away everything?
Let me explain – Yesterday is over and cannot be undone. Tomorrow is a hope but not promised. Today is our reality and we have to claim it for all it’s worth. But how do we reconcile the potential for tomorrow, with the absolute certainty of today and the need to live in the moment?
One of the great quotes on this say, “Only put off till tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.” Pablo Picasso. I love that quote and it really crystalizes the necessity and importance of today – why today matters.
So let me ask you a question – what are you not willing to leave undone, today, in light of the potential that tomorrow may not come? For me that is simple and here is my list –
Love my wife! I want her to know that without doubt – she is the most loved woman on the planet and that her future is as secure as I can make it. Done
The bills are paid. The last thing that I want her to worry about is whether the bills are paid – and they are. Done
Writing – I feel like I needed to write today – specifically about this topic. I will not leave this undone today. Doing it now!
Take care of my health – exercise. Done
I want each family member to know that they are loved by me. Done!
There are other things that I need to get done today but if they do not happen today, I would not worry about it being left undone but the above things, really matter today – because today matters.
With the rest of the day before me – what else can I do to make the most of the day? It’s going to be a great day.
Now it is your turn – have you made the “cannot remain undone” list yet? If so, great. If not, then stop and do it now.
As I look back over what I have written today, I will tell you that this has challenged me. While I was writing the “cannot remain undone” list, I had to stop and do some of those very things. When I am done writing this post, I will go to work on what’s next.
What’s next for you?
May God richly bless you in all that you do. And always remember – #YOURLIFEMATTERS
As I sit here today, and I think about the #YourLifeMatters project, I see people, just like you and they are struggling with –
Pain – physical and emotional
Loss – relationships
Loss – tragedy
Health issues – disease, poor choices and accidents
AND SO MUCH MORE
It looks like a mountain and it makes us question our value. We see people on social media that seem to have it all together. They go on the best vacations, they are losing weight, they have these beautiful homes or kids that seem to never do anything wrong and marriages that seem to be perfect. They take 5am selfies of themselves at gym or on a sunny day from a ski slope. Nothing appears to be wrong in the world for them – all the while, your world is falling apart.
It simply is not fair. Or so it seems…
What we don’t see is the mess, the mistakes or the mountain of debt. We don’t see the arguments or the drug/alcohol/gambling problems. We don’t see anything but the slice of life that they want us to see and the rest of it is simply not for public consumption. The truth is – they are not that different from you and me.
One of the traps we fall into is that of social comparison. It can be devastating and in some cases, make people feel like they are a failure when they are doing the best that they know how to do. This can lead people to depression and even worse… because they just can’t seem to measure up, they might be led to say, “maybe the world would be better off without them.”
I want to say this right here – The world would be far less without you! Your Life Matters more than you can imagine. And if you are feeling like taking your own life, reach out to a counselor, pastor, suicide hotline – right now. If you can’t get ahold of one of them, call 911.
Most will tell me that they have had those thoughts (if they are being honest). Many have simply sought to try to ignore those thoughts and work through whatever it is and bury in a closet. But it never stays there… does it?
Instead of ignoring or burying it, why don’t we try something else?
LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO DO THE FOLLOWING –
Why don’t we begin by spending a little less time on social media. It has been studied and it was discovered that spending more than 30 minutes a day on social media leads to higher levels depression and anxiety. (I have quoted the source for this in previous writing, if you need documentation. ) I would even suggest a week long social media fasting period. Take the apps off of your phone, if you have to.
In the place of social media, begin to read a faith-based devotional each day, take notes in a journal (notepad or even your phone) and then pray and ask God to help you apply what you have read to your life.
It really is that simple. But let me tell you the benefits –
Increased Brain Health – According Neuroscientist and MD, Andrew Newberg, doing the above practices on a daily basis will reduce stress, strengthen our immune system, enhance memory and increase our capacity for compassion for others – making the world a better place.
It wards off age-related brain deterioration and we live longer.
It helps us to better deal with anger issues, guilt, anxiety, depression, fear, resentment and pessimism.
Guess where I learned this? I was reading my morning devotional and the article was about the real value of having a time of quiet devotion and prayer. I then did a little more reading about Dr. Newberg and some of his research on faith and the impact it has on the brain. Read his book, Born To Believe and Neurotheology, when you get a chance.
I believe that most of us do not love ourselves very much. In fact, we lie to ourselves more than we can even comprehend. But if we will love ourselves enough to begin this basic practice – put down social media and pick up a devotional, the benefits will change your life. God built you for this – your brain and emotions will respond and you will wonder why you haven’t been doing this all along.
The final takeaway I have for you in this post is this – You mattered so much to God Almighty, that He built you for fellowship with Him and provides such amazing benefits, it is hard to fathom. You are loved my friend – now love yourself.
Two Questions I always ask those who are assembled –
Is there anyone that can see any reason why these two should not be married, if so speak now or forever hold your peace?
Who here will be willing to support this marital union with the love and support they will need on this life long journey?
Marriage is an institution created by God – We find this in Genesis 2:24 where God says –
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.”
(Talk about the meaning of leave & cleave)
Instructions for Husbands continue –
1 Peter 3:7 – Likewise Husbands, dwell them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel
(Talk about knowledge – come back to weaker vessel in the Unity Heart)
Then finally – Ephesians 5:25
Instructions for Wife – Ephesians talks a lot about marriage – one of the main things I want to mention is the idea of respect – Which is the greatest need of men – to be respected and Eph 5:33 tells us this clearly. Earlier it also talks about submitting to your husband, as to the Lord, as the head of the house. While I realize that some of these concepts are not popular in todays society, I can tell you that if you have a marriage filled with the love of God for one another, it is as natural as breathing, especially when we look at a previous passage that tells you guys to submit one to another in the fear of God.
After hearing all of that – let’s proceed with the vows.
“Will you (Gary Ken Briden, Jr./Amanda Lee Cosby) have this woman/man to be your wife/husband, to live together in holy marriage? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him, honor, and keep her/him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her/him as long as you both shall live?”
Then Repeat after me
“In the name of God, I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.”
Exchange of rings
Rings are a symbol of love and the nature of love that has no beginning or end. You see I believe that this kind of love is a gift from God, that was ordained from long before and was therefore just waiting to be discovered and it just continues through eternity.
Ken – repeat after me – “With this ring, I thee wed.”
Amanda – repeat after me – “With this ring I thee wed.”
Prior to this wedding we had two hearts here – and they are represented by these two sculptures. The grooms is the outer and the brides is the inner. The grooms is representative of a sturdy sense of strength, protection and security but by itself is empty. The brides heart is represented here as an intricately carved piece of artwork, beautiful but by itself is left unprotected – I want to talk a moment about the Biblical Idea of the “Weaker Vessel” and what this means…
When we put these together, by themselves they are beautiful but still there is a third element that ties it all together and makes them one – the power that created the Universe, who invited love and marriage – God Almighty.
I now pronounce you husband and wife – you may kiss the bride.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I be the first to present to you – Mr. & Mrs. Briden!
This weekend, I was asked to perform a wedding, as an ordained minister, it isn’t my first time but it was really special – this was my first time back in this role in almost two years and it was for a good friend who works for me. I have seen this friend of mine go from homeless to hopeful to hopelessly in love and it has been a beautiful transformation to watch. The pain of a past relationship/marriage breakup, whose wounds were still fresh, seemed to be soothed and healed by the refreshing balm of love. This is beautiful – transformative.
I included my notes from this wedding just as a backdrop to a larger truth – if we set out with our hearts open to what God has for us, we too can experience the beautiful and transformative love of our Creator. It may not be in the form of a wedding, a new relationship but it will always be miraculous.
In this life, we see so much… but the two constants are the unchanging love of God and the fact that everything else around us is changing. So with everything around us changing at the speed of technology, social media and the general craziness this world brings to us everyday, I believe that having a firm foundation in love of God, whom is unchanging, is essential.
With so many hurting people in this world that are in dire need of love and positive change in their lives, along with a positive self-image, that is not drive by social media or the trends of the day, I am modifying the name of this blog to – #YOUR LIFE MATTERS – The Transformation Project. My goal is to change the world, one story, one life, one heart at a time.
But I will let you in on a little secret – I can’t do it by myself. Will you help? Will you share the stories, commit to helping one person have a better life this year and encourage others to do the same? If so, together, we can create a movement that truly does change the world.
So often, we look down on ourselves and devalue our worth. Many times that comes from outside sources. I will tell you that when an outside input makes us feel like we are less, then we need to be looking elsewhere for our input. Here are some thoughts that I just dumped on a page. I am writing a book about this topic and would love any ideas or stories. There is also a podcast attached this blog – https://www.buzzsprout.com/1624801/episodes/7360324 What does advertising say about us?
If we buy this or that we will be cool, attract the right people and get the girl or the guy or the job or the house or everything we want
It tells us that we are not enough without the product
It creates impossible standards of beauty
It’s a lot like pornography and the images it creates about sex What does bullying say about us?
IF you are the bully it says that you are not enough on your own and you need to tear others down in order to feel like you are important
It probably means that you were bullied as a child – most likely at home
The one being bullied it makes them feel like they are less and often humiliated What does atheism say about the person?
You are here today and …. Pushing up daisies tomorrow What does creation say about you?
That you are unique and special just the way you are
That you were created for a purpose that only you can fulfill
That there is no one else on the planet like you – you are a one of a kind and we are blessed and honored to know and love you. What does how your body was designed say about you and your value?
Some are born with diseases that adversely impact their capacity to do certain things. But does this diminish their value? No – I believe that God tells us that we all have a purpose and that purpose is seen in His strength at work through us – not our strength alone. I believe that this means that means that we need to look beyond our greatest challenges and see the gifts What do we say about ourselves?
That we are not enough
That we are stupid
That we are poor
That we are ugly/fat
Not enough education
Not enough money
Wrong job/no opportunities to improve – stuck
No one likes me
I’m a bad person
No one will ever love me
Everyone thinks I am a loser Why are these questions important? It tells a story about who we think we are. Until we deal with those thoughts that are negative, it makes it impossible to think any different. We create cognitive distortions in our mind that replay like a DVD from hell. It is telling us what the media is saying, what our past is saying, what we think others are saying and what our thoughts about ourselves tell us. We must learn a new way of processing those thoughts and systematically destroying them. The narrative we create in our head or that maybe our parents/peers/media create for us can destroy us or at the very least hold us back from experiencing a life that is beyond compare to anything we can begin to imagine. If we are going to make the bold statement – Your Life Matters, then we have to ask the question –
What matters about me?
What impact do I make?
In my own life? § I do things that make me happy § I experience joy by things I do § I provide safety and security § I grow intellectually, emotionally, physically and spiritually § I create a career – a path that I excel in – and this makes me feel good about me – In your home? § Your presence matters – listening § your intelligence and wisdom matters § your capacity to serve your home, even if it is just with ideas and creative input § your caring § your contribution lightens the load of others
In school? § You create a job for others by being there § Your interaction in class and with others makes a difference
At work? § The product you deliver matters § The income you create impacts others/yourself
What about when I am not ok? o To others
I am depressed and no one cares? o This is tough because a lot of times people will suffer with depression in silence and they believe that no one cares. The lie we tell ourselves is that no one cares but if we were to reach out and talk with someone about it we would find that there are people who care. There are people who have experienced exactly what we are going through and may be able to help us through it. We may find others who are going through it right now and the fact that you and them are not alone in this struggle any more can be each of your saving grace
I am anxious about my future and whether my life really matters and no one cares o Your future is full of a lot of unknowns. But what you can do is your best today. You can make a plan and walk it out a day at a time. Make a reasonable timeline based on how long things normally take, like degrees and certifications, and walk it out. Being anxious about the future is common but when we have a plan and a timeline we can reduce it. When we see progress, we feel good about ourselves, that is why a timeline is important. One note – an overly aggressive timeline can be more hurtful than helpful because you will inevitably get behind and this can be anxiety inducing. o Progress adds meaning to your life.
Why do my choices matter to anyone? o Every choice – good or bad – impacts others
Why do I matter at all? o Every life, no matter how long or short is a complete life and it serves a purpose – it matters
Does it matter if I help someone? o Think about this for just a moment – You help Joe with a project. It allows him to return home sooner, to spend time with his kids and wife. The happiness that you created by a simple act of assistance cannot be measured. What if it ends up being one of those moments that his wife or kids never forgets because it was something that memorable… What if the fact you helped him and he shares that story with his kids, so they in turn do the same for someone else and the impact becomes exponential. What if Joe in turns helps someone else and it saves their marriage?… The line of impact is beyond comprehension.
Does it really matter if I hurt someone? o Yes! The same is true but in the opposite direction if you hurt someone instead of helping.
What if I hurt myself? o Intentional self-harm is an epidemic in this country. When one person hurts themselves by ending their life, it is often followed by several others. When others see us survive a difficult time, it encourages others to persevere.
What if I cure cancer? o YAY! You are a hero but you don’t have to do something so heroic to matter – small things matter as well What if I do nothing? No one fails to make an impact. If we were to channel our own inner George Baily, from It’s a Wonderful Life, we would see the truth behind the difference we make. If you are on planet earth, you are doing something and it matters. Even the baby in NICU, who is struggling to be alive is impacting his or her world in ways that we cannot sit here and calculate. So if a struggling infant is making a difference, what does that say for an adult or young person who had a far greater capacity? It means that your life matters in ways that we are going to discover. Hang in there with me and let’s explore it. In this podcast/blog, we are going to be hearing stories – some personal and others from people you have heard of and some you haven’t. You are going to hear some statistics and some science, alongside some psychology. Some you agree with, others you won’t and that is ok too. But at the end of the day, I want you to know that your life is significant – YOU MATTER! God Bless You, Dr. Cliff Robertson, Jr.